Today’s Question: People always seem to call me at the last minute, begging me to make them a cake. And then they make me feel sooooo guilty if I say no. Am I wrong to turn customers away?
We’ve ALL been there. It’s a lovely day and you’ve just finished up your typical Thursday cake routine. You’re feeling good about the next two days worth of stacking, decorating, photographing and delivering your week’s worth of cakes. You might even get to keep your plans to go out to dinner with the cake significant other (who more often feels like a cake widow/widower…) or have a fun family game night with the kiddos. It’s wonderful when the cake Gods smile upon our cakey lives.
Then it happens. The phone rings. You answer, worried that it’s your client whose cake you’ve been diligently working on, wanting to change some critical item that you’ve already completed. To your relief, it isn’t your client. You can breathe a little easier now.
But the person on the other end of the line is frantic, wrought with anxiety. And not just any kind of panic, it’s the “Life-will-be-over-if-I-don’t-get-a-cake-from-you-this-weekend” kind. Oh yes. It’s that planning-inept person who NEEDS a cake for
Saturday for their great aunt’s daughter’s best friend’s cousin (3 times removed) to celebrate the anniversary of her dog getting “married” to another well bred pooch pal, and if they don’t get a custom cake from you the entire event will be a failure.
You haven’t gotten that call? Oh, wait. Insert “bride” there. Or mother of the birthday twins. Or maid of honor and hostess of the bachelorette party. Insert any last minute cake customer that comes charging at you demanding that YOU drop your life, your plans, your everything, to make them a cake for the event in two days that they’ve known about since May. Of last year. So that you can save their, *ahem* heinie.
Do you take it? Do you give in to the pressure of being THE ONLY ONE that could fill this order? Do you cave to the expectation that you can, in fact, magically pump out cakes as if you had a tree full of cake elves just outside your kitchen window? Are you tempted to take the extra income that a last-minute order could bring in?
Never mind those other questions, just answer this one: Do you feel guilty for saying no? Well, if you do, I’m here to say STOP IT!
Oh, cakers! You amazing, sweet, people pleasers. You have a right to your own lives, and how I wish you would really believe this and live it! You are not responsible for someone else’s cake emergency. You don’t have to be the one to bail out the irresponsible stranger for an event you know nothing about that is celebrating more strangers. That guilt does not rest on your shoulders!
Speaking of guilt, I’m Italian and a mother, so I’ve got plenty of it to spread around. But listen to me: Strangers shouldn’t take precedent over family fun night. Their cake emergency does not trump your rare night out with the cake widow/widower. You have the permission of other cakers everywhere and me — The CakeLady — to be selfish once in a while and take care of yourself and your relationships. Denying your loved ones and yourself for strangers will lead to you resenting cakes. We already have plenty of reasons to chuck a slab of elephant-skinned fondant across the kitchen. That’s normal. (Yes, it absolutely is!) But we don’t need any more reasons for cake to cause stress or angst in our lives. We do what we do out of love, and oftentimes it’s our way of supporting those whom we love. Don’t let it rule you and cause you to resent it.
So repeat after me: It’s okay to turn down those eleventh-hour orders. Put down the rolling pin, grab your handbag (or wallet, gents), put on a fresh coat of lipstick (guys, whatever floats your boat; no judgment here), and go enjoy your non-cake time. You’ve earned it.
After all, the grocery store always has plenty of cakes! (And there’s a topic for another day…)
